Sunday, April 8, 2007

Unbelievable nerve

After walking out on his job Thursday, my husband asked me to write a resume for him. I asked him to write out his job history while I was at work on Friday, and I would do it over the weekend. I got home Friday and HE HADN'T EVEN STARTED!!! Son of b**ch. I asked him to estimate for me our bills. He blew a f**king fuse! He went on about how I only had him around for his money, etc., etc. and stormed out of the house. He came back, but he didn't speak to me all weekend. He even went for coffee without me yesterday (that's our weekend thing).

This afternoon, I told him I needed to go to the store and asked if he wanted to go. He said he'd like to, but wanted to take a shower first. I waited while he watched an hour of TV before taking a shower, then waited a half-hour for his hair to dry. When we finally left, he wanted to drive around and look for some place that he'd wanted to go last night. Ok, fine. When we FINALLY made it to the store, he had the nerve to tell ME to hurry up so we could get home and he could do his job history so I could write his resume!!!! I just about blew a f**king fuse. I was so mad I couldn't even see straight. THEN he had the nerve to say that one day he would leave and not come back. I wanted so bad to say "please do".

I can't believe he walks with the size of balls it takes to ask me to hurry up so that I can do something at the last minute that I should have started at least by this morning; and doing it after not talking to me all weekend, and THAT after storming out of the house. He left again a little while ago and said he'd be back later. Such a large part of me hopes he doesn't. God help me, but right in this moment...

When I was at my worst in my first marriage, I self-injured a lot. I only have a couple of small scars, and I haven't done it since I got out of that marriage, but I want to right now. I want to so bad I can f**king taste it. I'm not, at least not yet. I hope I don't. But I don't remember the last time I cried so damned hard. I can just barely see what I'm typing right now. I can't even call my mom because my phone is dead and my charger's at work. God, I'm so angry.